Ever stood in front of those glass cabinets at the Royal Easter Show and wondered what it takes to win one of those blue ribbons?
Or perhaps you've looked t them and thought 'Oh I can do THAT!'
Either way, whether it's the Easter Show, the Royal Melbourne or the Ekka, this is what it's like have been there and done that. I've got 28 ribbons and twice as many scars to prove it.
But in the interests of having this blog maintain it's PG rating I'll leave out the stories of bloodshed and burned tea towels and focus instead on the fun parts. Right now we're three weeks and three days away from the start of the Sydney Royal Easter Show and I've got about a thousand cakes to make and about a million scones.
OK, so that's a slight exaggeration, but it certainly feels like a million.
So what's the Show all about and why is the perishable cooking such a big deal every year?
Baking has had somewhat of a resurgence over the last few years. You only have to spend about 20 seconds on Instagram to find cakes that look like they're four feet high and cookies that are the size of your head. Bigger is better it seems and more, well... more is simply more. Monster shakes, anyone?
But the baking classics are all there at your local regional show and year after year the classics are the same size and shape. A plain butter cake in a tin not measuring more than 20cm in diameter, iced - on top only - in any colour you choose. As long as it's pink. Only pink.
And pale pink too, mind you. Not so long ago I watched a judge slice into a marble cake to find NOT a lovely tri-colour blend of chocolate, vanilla and delicate pastel pink crumb, but a hot pink streak that a pair of sequined hotpants would be proud to call home. There's no coming back from that.
It's a cut throat competition where the specifications in the Show schedule are non-negotiable and no correspondence entered into. But more about Judgement Day later.
Over the next three weeks I'm going to share the trauma, test cakes, triumphs and tears that get you to Day One of the Sydney Royal Easter Show Perishable Cooking Competition. Show Day here we come. And remember - win, lose or draw, on the clowns every child wins a prize.